Suggested resources

Please enjoy the following resources I have included. I use and mention many of these in therapy.

These recommendations are made solely to guide people to useful and relevant material to aid their healing. I do not have a financial benefit in endorsing the following media. 

Read the blogs I have written for an easy way to get useful and pointed information on topics you care about.

 
 

YouTube Video Clips

 

1. The Power of Vulnerability by Berne Brown (20 min)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

 

2. Joy: A Terrifying Emotion. Berne Brown (6 min)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKV0BWSPfOw&t=16s

Joy is an emotion so many people seek, but, Dr. Brené Brown says, it's by far the most terrifying feeling we face. Find out why we're so afraid our joy will be taken away. Plus, discover why Dr. Brown says we can't find joy without gratitude.

3. Take this test to figure out your love language. learn how you like to be loved.

http//www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ 

In a world where time has become the biggest commodity we must learn to be effective lovers. Take the official test Gary Chapman has created to understand not only how you like to be loved, but have your beloved take it to understand what to do when you want him/her to feel loved. I Recommend reading or  Listening to his book "5 love languages".

4. how to talk with your partner to avoid conflict when Verbal coummunication has been toxic. 

http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/articles/workplace-issues-articles/78-hci-articles/published-articles/121-calming-upset-people-with-ear

High conflict people get upset a lot of the time. A simple technique called an “E.A.R. Statement” can help you calm others down. 

5. How to safely & effectively communicate with your partner Electronically to prevent the toxicity cycle.

http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/biff-responses/78-hci-articles/published-articles/87-responding-to-hostile-email

Learn how to email, text and engage in other electronic communications to avoid hostility. 

 

6. Find calm using light stream Exercise.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ymq4ov8Xyg 

Re-train yourself to find calm by trying this Grounding Light Stream exercise. This is a tool to use if you are feeling overwhelmed by the Incessant nature of trauma.

 

7. progressive muscle Relaxation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihO02wUzgkc

practice

There are some great apps for Progressive Muscle Relaxation. It is a good idea to download them incase you have trouble sleeping.

use this video to help you relax, get a release after a difficult day, to fall asleep, if you have a headache, if you other relaxation tools have not helped. 

 

 

8. Read this if you have children and you are thinking of Separation or Divorce.

In 2001 Minnesota Judge Michael Haas offered some words that will never get old. Words that all parents thinking of splitting up must read and keep in mind as they make their  present and future choices.

“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one-half of each of your. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an “idiot” his father is, or what a “fool” his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.

That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.” -  Minnesota Judge Michael Haas, 2001

 



Read More: Judge Offers ‘200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents’ | http://wcrz.com/judge-offers-200-blunt-words-for-divorcing-parents/?trackback=tsmclip

 

 

Books

 

You Can Heal Your Life By louse hay

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version.

one of the by-products of emotional trauma is that you loose your sense of self. rebuilding a connection with yourself is essential to healing. This book is great for learning how to be kind to yourself and to develop self-love.

 

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman 

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version. There are many online tests available that help you discover your love language.

falling in love is easy. this book shows you how to keep your love alive.

most people Genuinely love Their Partner and try hard to fulfill their needs, but mot people also fail in Loving Their beloved they way they like to be loved. results are misunderstanding, frustration, confusion, and eventually moving away from Each other. The author teaches us a very useful way to love our partner in a way that they want to be loved. his is an essential read for anyone who wants to be effective in Loving their partners.

 

Daring Greatly: how the courage to be vulnerable transform the way we live, love, parent, and lead by Berne Brown

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version.

Daring Greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage. In a world where “never enough” dominates and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times. And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of getting criticized or feeling hurt. But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as standing on the outside of our lives looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to step into the arena—whether it’s a new relationship, 
 

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love By Dr. Sue Johnson

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version. There is a useful workbook as well.

a must read for learning how to get to the emotional underpinnings of your Relationship. solve your Relationship in a deeper way once and for all. get peace, love and satisfaction from your Relationships. this text is the framework every successful relationship should be build on. it provides very specific interventions that work.

 

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by jhon Gottman, phd. and nan silver 

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version. There is a useful workbook as well.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman's unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else.

 

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by melody Beattie

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version. There is a useful workbook as well.

Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent--and you may find yourself in this book--Codependent No More.The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.

 

The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis 


Michele Weiner-Davis goes beyond her marriage-saving bestseller, divorce busting. with this empowering and encouraging guide for revitalizing marriage and building stronger, more loving bonds. In a down-to-earth style that is free of psychobabble, Weiner-Davis outlines a realistic, solution-oriented seven-step program for managing marital problems, which, when left unchecked, can drain the life out of a relationship. Using revealing anecdotes and in-depth case studies, she illustrates practical ways for marriage partners to:
-avoid the “divorce trap”
-identify specific marriage-saving goals
-move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting
-become an expert on “doing what works”
-overcome infidelity, Internet obsessions, depression, sexual problems, and midlife crises
-get your marriage back on track—and keep it there

 

29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life by Cami Walker

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version. There is a free downloadable PDF workbook on line.

Cami Walker tells her story and teaches us a very practical way to bring blessing, hope, happiness into lives of people experiencing hopelessness. Her method works, it has helped people who have lost the hope to live and move on, experiencing low motivation, seeing the world as a cruel place, or are just healing from pain and are feeling disconnecting with self and other. Apart from people in pain, her very simple solution helps anyone, at any stage of life whether they have any big issues in live or not. Definitely worth a read.

 

The Magic (The Secret) by rohnda bynes

This book is also available in a downloadable audio version.

One word changes everything...

For more than twenty centuries, words within a sacred text have mystified, confused, and been misunderstood by almost all who read them. Only a very few people through history have realized that the words are a riddle, and that once you solve the riddle—once you uncover the mystery—a new world will appear before your eyes.
In The Magic, Rhonda Byrne reveals this life-changing knowledge to the world. Then, on an incredible 28-day journey, she teaches you how to apply this knowledge in your everyday life.
No matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter what your current circumstances, The Magic is going to change your entire life!

 

Committed: A Love Story by elizabeth gilbert

this is a novel from the author of eat, pray, and love. read it if you are Interested in the history of the institution of marriage, and the function of marriage in various culture.