A desire to be truly loved and accepted is our most fundamental emotional need. To be someone who can give and receive deep love, we must open our hearts fully. This is very scary, especially when you have been hurt before.
Love, Pain & Healing:
Pain blocks our ability to love deeply. To start rebuilding without proper healing means we are going to have a weak foundation. It means we are going to fail even before we get started. What a cruel situation for someone who is already hurt. It keeps us in the very cycle of pain that we are trying to avoid.
Healing From Inside-Out:
The more accurately the healing addresses our pain, the more easily we are able to transform our adversity into strength. What I love about the “Mirror Work” by Louise Hay, is that it is customized to discover and address the precise moments of pain for each one of us. It also happens to be quick, effective and concrete; all things I like in a process.
Mirror Work helps us develop self-love and compassion. See “Self Love: Core of Deep Healing.”. It not only helps resolve pain from our past, but it gives us the clarity, strength, and direction we need to not get deeper into a situation that is likely going to hurt us again.
Mirror Work appeals my the strong silent types because it lets them have autonomy and control. Once we get the hang of it, it's like being the robot from Terminator 2 who was able to regenerate every time he was knocked down.
So was I, but the results are undeniable. It has helped millions of people find freedom from life-long trauma. Give it a try and see for yourself. What do you have to loose?
The Mirror Work by Louise Hay:
1. Let go of perfectionism. Despite common perception, aiming for perfection is more damaging than productive. Perfectionism has the potential to demean and disparage. It hinders creativity and focuses so much on the result that it takes the pleasure away from the process. It turns competition, from motivation and inspiration to something jealous and ugly.
2. Make a ‘should’ list. Use the format: “I should ________” and make a list of things you feel you should do. Beliefs that may have been on your to-do list for a while and may be causing anxiety. For example, I should be thinner, smarter, more accomplished, a better daughter, etc
3. Now replace the word ‘should’ in each sentence with the word ‘could’. ‘Could’ empowers, ‘should’ oppresses. ‘Should’ encourages the perfectionism mindset, ‘could’ reminds us that we own the task, the task doesn’t own us. This changes how we think, talk, and judge ourselves.
4. Every morning look into your eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you __(your name)__, I really really love you. What can I do to make you happy today?” Notice how your eyes and face change.
The response may not come to you right away. Don’t rush, allow yourself to feel.
Ok, I realize this is weird. I thought it was weird too until I saw it change the lives of so many of my clients.
Louise Hay explains that we receive negative messages through our eyes. We can hide our pain from ourselves and others, but it’s hard to deny the truth when you look deep into your eyes. This is probably why we subconsciously avoid looking into our eyes in the mirror when we are deeply hurt. This could be why reason Mirror Work feels so weird.
5. If you find yourself making excuses and avoiding this, take a moment to understand what is holding you back.
Some clients object that ‘I love you’ is something others say to you. They confess that it makes them feel desperate and pathetic as if they are admitting that there is no one else in their lives to say 'I love you' to them instead.
The reality of this world is that the only person we have control over is ourselves. It’s wise not to put the control of when and how we should feel good in the hands of others. Specially when we have proof that it has not ended well for us in the past.
Giving other's the responsibility of making us happy is neither fair to us, nor to them. The goal is go not 'need' other's to love us. To use the love we get from others as a supplement to our our happiness, not the basis of our happiness.
Remember, most often the things we find most difficult to change are the ones we need to change the most. They are also the ones we get most benefit out of changing.
6. We must never, ever, ever criticize or make fun of ourself. If we do, we must go back to the mirror, look into our eyes and apologize for the betrayal.
We must stand up for our 'self' the way we stand up for other people we love. We build ourselves up not tear ourselves down.
As we grow and decide that there are changes we want to make, it is important to be kind. It’s not that we need to change because what we did before was bad or wrong, it was right for us then, it’s just not right for us now.
Without negativity, we respectfully thank the old parts of us for giving us comfort when we needed it, respectfully say goodbye and moving on. No need for cruelty and drama.
7. If you get hurt or something goes wrong. Go to the mirror, look into your eyes and reassure yourself, say “I love you very much __(your name)__, everything is going to be ok.” If something goes well go to the mirror and congratulate yourself. Say "I'm very proud of you", "you did well", etc.
8. Believe in the process. Don’t make any of this a big deal. It's what you need to do to get in touch with yourself, no big justifications necessary. Just have an intention to bring about change and let things happen organically.
Self-love and healing are life long journeys, not destinations. The better aware and prepared we are, the better they will be.
To learn more about the essential role of self-love in healing throughly read, “Self Love: Core of Deep Healing”. As you navigate your way out of your pain, doing the work described in Directions for A “Personal Revamp” will also be very beneficial.