Break the Barriers, Transcend the Traumas: Your Chance to Find Happiness within!

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them” __ Maya Angelou
 
You loved deeply, fell hard with great intentions. You gave it your all, you were not in to fail, you did all you could but nothing seems to work. You both went from not being able to keep your hands off of each other to living like roommates. You were supposed to grow old together, now you can’t be sure if you’ll make it past this year. What happened? There is no manual? Nothing you have tried has worked and now the panic of your reality is setting in?
 
You could have all the wealth and advantages in the world, but when your heart is broken, nothing feels right. Things you enjoyed don’t make you happy anymore. You don’t know if the problem is with you, your partner or just the relationship? Don’t lose hope. There are answers, there are ways to overcome this.
 
An ethical therapist is able to understand your unique situation and circumstances and guide you, support you and facilitate you towards clarity, healing and eventually safety and joy. Every individual has their own set of unique values, priorities, and goals. Twins of the same gender with the same culture and the same advantages will have different values. A good therapist is able to understand these nuances and counsel, facilitate and support you according to who you are and what you want.
 
It is so unfortunate that people would rather stay in pain and confusion, break-up or live lives that are a reaction to the pain they have experienced, but they will not come to therapy. People are very surprised to find that all of our clients are intelligent, well-adjusted, successful people who have just hit a bump in the road. We are able to lead them to hope and healing. We have coined a Systematic Healing Model based on evidence-based practices. We do use this model to help on a surface behavioral level and a cognitive conceptual level, but we employ techniques to facilitate you in learning to be emotionally independent. We feel our work is done when you don’t need our help anymore.
 
Even if you break-up with your partner, you can’t break-up with yourself. Go to therapy to understand what happened, how you can fix it, and most importantly how can you make sure it never happens again.
 
When you cannot afford to get it wrong, come to us. We know relationships inside out. If you have the motivation, we fight for your relationship and find a way to help you if that’s what you want. We have aligned ourselves to be the best individual and couples marriage counselors in Paramus NJ,  individuals, couples, and families.
 

How To Deal With Heart Breaks

How To Deal With Heart Breaks

Make sense of the devestation that comes with a broken heart. Understand it and learn how to overcome it. Learn form a Relationhsip Specialist on healing yourself to avoid getting into a vicous cycle of broken realtionships and pain. 

Infidelity, Divorce, Heartbreak, & the Pain Cycle

Sanya Bari, MEd, LPC, NCC, CTS, NCC Founder and CEO of Counseling With A Difference

Sanya Bari, MEd, LPC, NCC, CTS, NCC

Founder and CEO of Counseling With A Difference

When you get hurt, your natural defense system puts up walls to guard you against further pain. While this is important and helpful for you in the moment, it can become detrimental if you are not able to eventually find the bravery to safely deal with the pain.

“Not dealing with the emotional pain in the correct manner launches you in an exhausting pain cycle where you keep dating the same person with different names or date the ‘right person’ but eventually start seeing the same issues you were trying to avoid all along. Healing from pain in the correct manner is essential. Not only to your future relationships, but it is essential to your ability to find personal peace and joy.” Sanya Bari, LPC

To numb the pain I see some people launching into the dating seen full on, not realizing that unless they have done the healing work properly they are only signing up for more pain. I see others try to survive the hurt by hiding themselves away from people and becoming recluse. Both of these reactions can be justified and expected for a short period, but if they go on for too long the tendency to get back to a sense of normalcy becomes more and more difficult.

If you are getting started on your journey of healing, my advice to you is to not lose hope and motivation. Keep seeking, if the intention is made the universe will eventually show you a way. Healing is a reality, and with the right steps, it is possible. I have the honor to watch people pick themselves up from their rock-bottom and create themselves into someone even they are surprised and impressed by.

My goal of healing is to help in developing enough personal faith and security that the person who is hurt is not only able to see the ‘red flags’ for what they are, but they are able to have enough self-value and boundaries that they are able to act on the red flags as well.

Such a person is able to feel safe when looking for love and is able to have a safe courtship when they have found someone because they have all the internal mechanisms needed to protect themselves. The difference is that these protection mechanisms are now coming from a place of calm and confidence, not anxiety and defensiveness.  

If you are in pain and need help, answers, or support, call me at (973) 713-7634.

Broken Heart & Pressure to Conform: Valentine's Day & Other Holidays

Broken Heart & Pressure to Conform: Valentine's Day & Other Holidays

Having a broken heart is cruel enough without the undue pressure that comes with holidays, biological clocks, social expecations, and the fairlytale logic we have all been raised with. Here are some practical tips on how to deal with all the head trash created by such issues, and to save yourself from hurting more.

"Love Me The Way I Want To Be Loved"

"Love Me The Way I Want To Be Loved"

Love your partner but not feeling the love anymore. There was so much love on both sides but now it's scary how it is disappearing? No need to panic. Try this true and tried method of creating a love bond that has helped thousands of couples in various stages of discord that you can start using today. Learn to how to love and how to be loved.

Getting Back to Good: 1. How to Have an Intimate Conversation.

Getting Back to Good: 1. How to Have an Intimate Conversation.

Feeling the spark diminish? This is the first of a series of blogs that provide evidence-based tips and guidance to help you make your special someone feel that they really are special to you.

If you say that you love someone, do the work needed to make them feel loved. Fight for your relationship. Let me show you how.

This blog gives you guidance on how to deepen your love by making 'intimate and fulfilling conversations' a regular part of your daily life. 

 

Heartbreak & New Year: 7 Tips to Prevent Heartbreak

Heartbreak & New Year: 7 Tips to Prevent Heartbreak

Heartbreak can kill any prospects of present and future joy. Healing from heartbreak can seem like an impossible task. If it is not dealt with properly it can keep you in a vicious pain cycle. Here are 7 tips to prevent you from this cruelty. 

 

Separation or Divorce? 15 ways to minimize stress on Kids

Separation or Divorce?              15 ways to minimize            stress on Kids

Divorce and separation rank as one of the most stressful events we can experience. Parents are suddenly forced to address questions that they don't have answers to. They want to do anything they can to reduce the stress they know their kids will go through. Here are 15 guidelines that will help you as you try to create your new normal.

Mirror Work: Freedom from Pain

Mirror Work: Freedom from Pain

Self-love is the most basic unit required to experience true love and fulfillment. There are many ways to journey towards self-love, but Mirror Work is one of the simplest and most concrete ways to begin. Follow these simple steps to start seeing the affects self-love brings into your life.

Self-Love: Core of Deep Healing

Self-Love: Core of Deep Healing

Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you a people pleaser and don’t know how to stop? Do you always end up getting into difficult relationships?

 

Feeling sad? Hopeless? Dissatisfied? Try this 1 Game Changing Practice.

Feeling sad? Hopeless? Dissatisfied? Try this 1 Game Changing Practice.

Adopt this little practice to accelerate healing, find peace and happiness. It will change your outlook on life.